When Lyme’s Disease invaded my body just over six years ago it stole much of my creativity from me. I went from being an incredibly perceptive and fast reader and writer to finding it difficult to read and retain any information. I couldn’t go out very often and take pictures, so the one creative avenue I turned to was fashion. Fashion was easy because I had to get dressed every day, and didn’t require any work that hurt my brain.

Fast forward three years into my battle and I began my first blog. It was a way to communicate with the outside world since I was so housebound, and a means to share my love of fashion—the one creative outlet I had—with some sort of community. At the time, it was what I needed.

Blogging has been an important part of my battle with Lyme’s disease. I’ve processed failure and trying to understand the purpose of all my creative interests. I’ve shared personal parts of my journey, as well as fun things that made me smile along the way.

And for a season, it was good.

I don’t know if this should have come sooner, but I believe God had a purpose in me holding onto a dream for so long.

I never was able to realize the dream I had for a blog. I wanted it be crisp and clean, a bit more like a magazine about thoughtful living and making use of what you have (among other things). I had grand imaginings for this space, but in the end I have come to accept this journey as a piece of a season. It was a means for me to reach out and pour into the world while confined to my house. Although I am still awaiting healing, for a long time (ever since last year) I’ve had a nagging feeling that it would be coming to an end.

While I see that for me this blog was something for a season, I don’t think that continuing to blog this year was a bad thing. I’ve sorted through a lot of my interests. I’ve had to practically face certain dreams and recognize that I cannot do them all. I have shared some of my outfits, and thoughts about various topics related to creativity.

There is a quote, which I have heard before, but has popped up (and I don’t think by accident) over the last few months.

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. – Frederick Buechner

This quote gnawed at me when I first heard it, because I think it is very true. I have often wanted to be many things (I have the potential and ability to be good at several different skills), but I often gave it up when I realized it didn’t bring me joy. And while blogging has brought me some joy, over time it has become heavy. Even treating it casually didn’t work. Unless I’m hit by inspiration I don’t like to write non-fiction. I love taking self-portraits spontaneously but planning them so often drained it of its spark.

Over the last two months I’ve gradually weaned myself off Instagram. I only use a personal account now, and I probably spend about five minutes on a day. Not only is this liberating, but it made me realize how cluttered my head was when I was scrolling through a hundred images per day. (For some reason Pinterest doesn’t do this to me.) By removing distractions I began to spend more time in my life. I wrote a blog post a long time ago about the irony of spending our lives watching someone else live theirs. It was funny, because at the end of that post I asked if anyone wanted some ideas on how to control their social media intake. Some people said yes, but I wanted to share some tried and true methods, and gradually began to experiment with how I used the Internet. Now more than a year later I have cut a lot of my Internet time down significantly, with the exception of sick days, because when my body isn’t working I can only watch videos or movies.

All this to say that I’ve enjoyed the thought of working offline in my spare time rather than managing a blog. I’ve at a point where I don’t believe social media is necessary, and I now have it set up to use specifically as communication tools or means of finding inspiration. After years of being stuck inside and communicating almost exclusively via the Internet, I’m at a point where I value real life and face to face interactions more than ever. I’m ready for a physical community, and while I will miss those of you whom I’ve befriended here, know that I am thankful for each and every one of you who has followed me on this journey.

I’m just eager to be done. I’m itching to move on, but I see that this blog—or the idea of starting a new “official one” has gotten in the way of the projects I want to pursue. My writing has flourished this year, and that is deep gladness of mine that meets the hunger of the world.

With that being said, I’m bringing a close to Wind & Spindle and this blogging journey. My Instagram will continue to be visible, but this site will eventually go down. I’m not sure exactly when, but it will be when the domain expires, if not, when my host expires at the start of January next year. So if you like a post, be sure to read it.

As for my future, well, I suppose some things will remain a mystery. I’m pursuing publishing my novels on the side of my work, and I plan to use my current name as my pen name, even if I get married. So keep a lookout, and maybe I will see you at a future book signing. 😉 I may or may not pursue posting my photography on my photography Instagram @thelenspoet, but maybe not.

I want to let you know that any of you who have read and commented, thank you. Thank you for stopping in on this journey, whether or not for a lone post or the whole run (shout out to my every post commenters—you know who you are). Now is the time for me to move on, but I have loved my interactions with every one of you. I cannot possibly thank you enough. You were a light in a very dark time in my life. I’m so thankful for you.

While the details of the future aren’t yet super clear, I’m grateful for the adventure to come, hopeful for the healing to be, and longing for the deeper days of friendship spent with the One who created me.

time compass fantasty short story brown sweater coat black slip dress brown boots forest dreamy mysterious tall trees

Once again, thank you all and God bless.

Mary Tait

P.S. Also, if anyone has any questions about my faith and how God has carried me through this journey, you can always email me at windandspindle [at] gmail.com.

3 Comments

  1. jodie filogomo September 29, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    You have such a creative talent, Mary!! I hope you continue to use it!!
    XOOX
    Jodie

    Reply
  2. Marilyn October 1, 2019 at 1:19 am

    Success in your future endeavors, Mary. I will miss your blog. God Bless.
    Marilyn

    Reply
  3. Lizzie October 1, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    Mary, this brought a tear to my eye. You are SO talented in many ways. Your words and photographs evoke so much emotion and always allow me to think on a deeper level. I’ve really enjoyed following both of your blogs over the past few years. It’s been so refreshing to see such a genuine soul in this industry. While it makes sad knowing your blogging journey is coming to an end, I’m also incredibly happy for you because it seems that you’ve found joy in the world outside of blogging social media. I think that many of us bece all consumed by a digital world and forget how to live in the real world. I’m so excited for your new adventure! While I’m sad to see you go, I’m also a big believer in signs and knowing when the time is right to move on. It’s been a joy getting to know you as a person over the past few years and getting the slightest peek into your thoughts. You’re going to excel in anything you choose to do. Please keep in touch and feel free to email me anytime. Best of luck! <3

    Lizzie
    http://Www.lizzieinlace.com

    Reply

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